Fuss the Good Stuff: How the Right Kind of Affection Shapes the Right Kind of Dog

Introduction

At Lola’s House, we’re big believers in rewarding the right behaviours in the right way — and that includes something as simple and everyday as a fuss. While most people think of fussing a dog as just a lovely moment of bonding (which it absolutely can be), we know that the type, timing, and reason behind that fuss matters. In fact, fuss can be one of the most powerful tools you have to reinforce the kind of behaviour you actually want from your dog — if you get it right. So let’s break down what “fuss” really is, the different types of fuss and their effects, and how to use it to build a calm, happy, well-mannered dog.

The Different Types of Fuss — And Why They Matter

Dogs experience touch differently than we do. What feels exciting, calming, irritating or encouraging to them can vary hugely depending on the type of fuss we give — and when we give it. Here are some of the most common types of fuss and how they tend to land with dogs:

    1. Calm, Even Strokes

Along the back, sides or head, in slow movements with even pressure.

Pros:

• Calms the nervous system.
• Helps lower heart rate and reduce arousal.
• Can bring a dog down a gear after a walk or exciting moment.
• Builds trust and connection.
• The even pressure will feel reassuring.

Cons:

• If given at the wrong moment (e.g. during excitable behaviour), it can accidentally reward the wrong state of mind.

When to use:
When your dog is already calm, settled or engaging in the kind of behaviour you want to see more of. Always get your dog to sit or lie down before fussing them this way to avoid rewarding excitable behaviour. This kind of fuss marks that good behaviour and reinforces it.

    4. Rough Patting on the Back or Head

Slapping-style patting, often used unconsciously by humans who are trying to express affection.

Pros:

• Very few. Some dogs tolerate it, some even like it, but most don't love it.

Cons:

• Can be startling or uncomfortable.
• Often interpreted by dogs as pushy or confusing.
• Can lead to avoidance, tension, or confusion in the relationship.
• Will get a dog very worked up.

When to use:
We don’t recommend this type of fuss at all. Opt for slower, more mindful touch — dogs will thank you for it.

    5. Ear Rubs or Behind-the-Ear Scratches

Gentle stroking, scratching or rubbing around the ears.

Pros:

• Often very soothing for dogs.
• Can help settle an anxious or uncertain dog.
• Builds intimacy if done at the right moment.

Cons:

• Some dogs are sensitive around their ears and may not like it.
• Best reserved for moments of calm.

When to use:
When your dog is relaxed, lying down, or settling after a walk or play. Not suitable for high-arousal moments. Only if you are confident that a dog trusts you enough to rub their ears, as it is a sensitive area.

Why Fuss Is a Reward — And Should Be Treated Like One

At Lola’s House, one of the biggest mindset shifts we help owners make is this: fuss is not just affection — it’s reinforcement. Whenever you give your dog physical attention, you’re telling them this behaviour leads to something good. So, if you fuss your dog while they’re barking, jumping up, whining, or generally overexcited, you’re not soothing them — you’re saying “yes, keep doing that.” This is especially important to understand if you’ve got a puppy or a dog who struggles to stay calm around people. It can feel second nature to reach down and stroke them when they’re worked up, but that only deepens the habit you’re trying to fix. Instead, use fuss like you’d use a treat in training — it’s a reward. Reserve it for the moments your dog is:

• Sitting calmly
• Settled in their bed
• Choosing to ignore a distraction
• Waiting politely at a threshold
• Relaxed after greeting someone without jumping

That’s when a fuss really means something.

Calm Dogs Aren’t Boring — They’re Balanced

Some people worry that withholding fuss during excitable moments is cold or unfair — but it’s quite the opposite. Giving your dog a calm, consistent message helps them relax and trust the world around them. They don’t have to guess when fuss is coming. They learn: If I act calm, good things happen. This clarity builds confidence. And we’re not saying never fuss your dog. We’re saying fuss them when they’re being the kind of dog you’re proud of. Because that’s how they become that dog, the more they are rewarded in the right moments then the more those moments will occur.

Responding to Demanding Behaviour

Let’s say your dog walks up and nudges your hand repeatedly, whines, or barks at you for attention. What do you do? It’s tempting to give them a quick pat or fuss just to quiet them down — but here’s what that teaches them: “If I make noise, get close enough, or push hard enough, I’ll win.” This creates a dog that demands attention, rather than earns it.

Instead, try this:

1. Don’t fuss them. Remain neutral.
2. Wait for calm. As soon as they sit, lie down, or disengage from demanding, then calmly praise and give a slow fuss.
3. Repeat. Over time, they’ll understand that calm behaviour is the way to your heart — not chaos.

Fuss at Lola’s House: Why We Do It Differently

When dogs stay with us, we use fuss very intentionally. We don’t just dish it out freely — not because we’re mean, but because we know how powerful it is. Every time a dog is calm at the door, lies down instead of barking, or chooses not to follow another dog around — they get “the good stuff.” Not loud praise. Not excited clapping. Just a lovely, grounding chin scratch or soft touch to say: “Yes. This is what we like.” We use fuss to build confidence, shape calmness, and create long-term results that last far beyond our sessions. And we encourage every owner who walks through our door to do the same. Because when you fuss the good stuff — that’s what you’ll see more of.